If you want to know what I think about
Gil Scott-Heron in general, you can get a pretty good idea from
this thing that I wrote for the
Seattle Weekly about 7 years ago. He is brilliant, political, inspiring, hilarious...all of that.
On a more personal level, though, I should also mention that the first time I saw him perform, in the early nineties, he referred to himself as a "bluesologist". Bluesology, he then noted, was not simply the study of the blues, but actually "the science of how things feel." I have considered myself a bluesologist ever since.
But since it’s all out in the open now, I also wanted to mention that Gil has addressed his addictions numerous times in his work. Of course, he has also maintained that songs such as "
Home is Where the Hatred Is" (as sampled by
Kanye) and "
The Bottle" are not personal statements at all, but simply fictional narratives that happen to be written in the first person.
It is striking, though, that the last verse of "The Bottle" is:
I’ll tell you a little secret...
If you ever come looking for me,
You know where I’m bound to be:
in the bottle.
Look around on any corner,
If you see some brother looking like a goner,
It’s gonna be me.
That first time I saw him live, he also performed a song called "The Other Side," a meditation on addiction and death, which later appeared on his album
Spirits (TVT:1994), where it serves as an extended introduction to a new version of "Home Is Where The Hatred Is", written two decades earlier.
Man, you could have heard a pin drop in that place. At certain points, it actually seemed like the entire audience was about to burst out in tears. The entire audience. I’m not kidding. I have never seen that happen before or since.
The lyrics alone may not do the song justice, but they go pretty far. Imagine them sung quietly but passionately to a I-IV vamp played on a Fender Rhodes.
The Other Side (Parts I&II)
By Gil Scott-Heron, 1994
Sometimes I feel like I’m just wasting my time
Looking for another side
Sometimes I feel like I’m just losing my mind
Cause there ain’t no other side
Sometimes I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels
Ain’t no big deal
Wondering if there’s another side
Sometimes I feel like I’m just standing in place
Ain’t no real race
And ain’t no other side
Life is like a circle
and you end up where you started
you end up where you started
if you end up where you started
ain’t no other side
But if life is like a curtain,
then I’m 90% certain
That I’m looking through at something
I saw something moving
On the other side
The opposite of new is old
The opposite of young is old
Seems like everything has got another side
But the young ones wanna be old ones
Old ones know what they would do if they was young ones
People ain’t never really satisfied
Folks ain’t never satisfied
If life is like a mirror,
every step that you take nearer
You can see it so much clearer
Feel like you know about the other side
Yes, and my friends all swear they know
Friends all swear they know
What I should do with my life
How I should run my life
What should be happening in my life
They’re on the other side
They’re on the outside, I’m on the inside
They’re on the outside, I’m on the inside
Yes, and things always
look so much better from the other side
Four O’clock in the morning
They don’t know
All the things I be needing
they don’t know
I’m breaking out in a sweat
And they don’t know
Feelin bad
And they don’t know
Feeling down
And they don’t know
Feeling down
And they don’t know
They don’t know the other side
I need to go home.
Mama could change it
Daddy could help me
Yes, I could go home.
Mama don’t need to see me this way
Know me this way
Touch me this way
Love me this way
Find me this way
I can’t go home.
I’m saying
I don’t wanna call him
I don’t wanna know him
I don’t wanna need him
I don’t wanna feel it
I don’t wanna know
I don’t wanna know
I don’t wanna know
I don’t want to know
But I know know know know
Home
So I say:
Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow
I’ll go home
Yeah, but tomorrow ain’t comin’
tomorrow ain’t comin’
tomorrow ain’t comin’
tomorrow will always be where it was
tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
Yeah, I need to go home
Maybe I could start all over
start all over
start all over
start all over
start all over
start all over
Yes, I’d like to start all over at home
Without the whispers
Without the whispers
Gaining on me
Pulling on me
Rolling with me
Moving on me
Yes, I’d like to go home
Without the whispers.
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Home
Told him
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Can’t go home
Heard’em when they told me
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Can’t go home
Feeling so much worse, now
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
Kick it, quit it
My friends say
"Stop"
I told myself a hundred times,
"I’m gonna stop"
Yeah, my friends say
"Quit it"
They don’t know how many times I’ve said
"I gotta quit it"
And then I say
Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow
I’m going to stop
Yes, in the morning, I’m gonna go home
Need a little bit of love in the morning
In the morning
Somebody to help me get over this thing
Feel like I could start all over at home
Make myself a brand new life at home
First I gotta face them down.
[into "Home is Where The Hatred Is"]
Gil Scott-Heron - frequently referenced in these pages and in my life generally - is sentenced to two to four years in jail for violating his plea deal. And as if that wasn't enough...according to the story, he is HIV positive.